We all hear it but do we really believe it … “Honesty is the best policy.” Is it?!? Come on, who believes it? Better yet, who lives by those words??
I happen to be someone that believes it is the only policy because nothing can break down a relationship faster than knowing you’ve been lied to. Be it a personal relationship, one with a friend, family member, or even that with a work colleague. If we can’t be truthful then we have to ask ourselves “why?” … and that is often the reason why we lie – we don’t want to (or know how to) be honest with ourselves.
Finding that clarity within ourselves is tough. It takes looking at our past history (which is often not without blemishes) and dissecting what motivated or challenged us to make the choices we did. It’s often hard to swallow the real truth about why we did what we did – or why we said what we said – or how come we acted as we acted. But, it’s not only essential to your growth, I think it’s critical to the relationships around you. And … I’ll say this even though it’s the obvious – it’s completely disrespectful if you’re not honest. You do not own the decisions of other people – you only own your own personal decisions — so by lying, you are assuming that you know what the other person wants or needs (and that, my friend, is definitely not true).
Does the truth hurt sometimes? Yep, absolutely. … Could some people get mad by knowing the depth of your truths? Oh for sure! … Would they be justified? Probably in a good few cases, yes. … Could they walk away? Yes, that’s a real risk. … But would the people that value the truth (about them or about you) appreciate the opportunity to make the decision themselves based on the information provided — I think that answer is yes. A lot of people want to grow and learn from other people, their experiences and feedback. If the truth reveals something about yourself that isn’t flattering, then you have the option of ignoring it or doing something about it. Quite frankly, I prefer the latter. I will always take the feedback and look to see if I can improve myself – regardless what the feedback is or who is providing it. I mean, it’s at least worth a peak just in case it’s valid, no?
I figure we’re all grown adults and we all wake up everyday to find our happiness. If what makes you happy isn’t what will make another person happy – lying to them about it does no one any good. IMHO you can’t be fully happy if you’re denying yourself and others the truth … and the other person is not happy because they are not living with the actual truth, so their world around them isn’t 100% real. So it’s a good case for being honest.
Allow others to decide if your truth matches up with theirs. If it doesn’t, then most likely it’s not the end of the world. Maybe they can live with it. Maybe they can be patient if you are working on improving yourself. Maybe they have the same view as you but are equally as scared to be honest!! If the worst case is that the relationship comes to an end … then dare I say it wasn’t meant to be in the beginning.
So be bold (and an adult) and first get clear on what is your truth – and then don’t be afraid to tell others. You might have to say it with kindness, or with a glass of whiskey & coke, but say it just the same.