Category Archives: Love

Waiting for Me

11 Wednesday Jul 2018

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As I sit here, eyes heavy, tired — with a plan to be in dreamland about 30 minutes ago, I am instead honoring a different commitment to myself, and that is to write about things that move me in that moment.

As an entrepreneur (which in-and-of-itself is not so easy of a definition for me to write), I am constantly figuring out how to build my business. How to ‘scale’. What is the right product or service offering. Which price point makes sense, for my clients but also for me!  How do I market myself (without a marketing team). How I promote my brand (without a media agency). Who do I align myself with when I have limited time and endless amazing opportunities.

It’s exhausting and exhilarating.  Scary and exciting.  Crazy good and full of obvious mistakes.

And all of this happens while, at the same time, I’m trying to just be ‘me’. And that might sound silly to some, but I think to many of my colleagues and friends going through a similar journey but with a different objective, it truly will resonate. Because sometimes the version that we have of ourselves and our capabilities are clouded with fear and doubt, contradiction and denial, impatience and lack of self confidence.

Yet. We truly only have two options:

1.  Give up. Accept the unknown and never get to the end because we fear the worst.

or

2.  Forge on. Up the hill. Across the chasm. Through the potential shame, embarrassment and fear of ridicule should we fail … Should we not meet someone else’s expectations. Should we accomplish less than what we set out to achieve.

And if we choose the latter .. then we must accept our flaws.  Embrace our individual ‘features’.  Live in permanent Beta.  Trust that all roads lead us to a better place if we’re determined to get there.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I am tired of waiting for me.  Especially when I am right here, and am the.only.thing standing in my own way.

thomas-tucker-149020-unsplash.jpg

Photo by Thomas Tucker on Unsplash

Author’s personal note:

To my friend whom I adore and have all the patience in the world for — I don’t know what the future holds but I know that you are holding it in your hands.  I can’t wait until you release and see yourself as I see you and as I know the world is waiting to embrace.  

Perspective

01 Sunday Apr 2018

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Once a month I leave my apartment for a weekend to gain perspective. I find myself a cute getaway within 100 or so miles that brings me joy and a new landscape.

hmb march 31 beach.png

The ultimate goal is to escape into a world complete only with reading, writing and relaxing — but to be honest, these first few months have been more about just finding the ground beneath me. Maybe towards the end of 2018 I’ll achieve the intention that I set when I put this into my yearly resolutions. But maybe not. And that will be okay too.

hmb march 31 sign.png

This weekend, I found myself thinking about perspective. How our thoughts unfold the world before us. How sometimes we’re so envious of other people’s lives, only to learn that it’s just as hard as ours — and just as good as ours — just different. And how a simple comment, message or check in with a friend or mentor can reframe everything.

Over the last few weeks the world has reminded me of Albert Einstein’s Theory of Happiness that he wrote in 1922.

“A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness”.

I believe this with every fabric of my being …. Yet I still relentlessly pursue.

I relentlessly pursue the art of giving back. I find so much joy in helping make connections between two people. And the joy only builds when I learn that both received something beneficial from the simple act of an introduction.

I relentlessly pursue feeling connected. My road ahead is shorter every day and I feel an urgent desire to make each day count with people that are good for my soul.

I relentlessly pursue being full. Because being still is really, really hard. And busy makes me happy.

What I don’t relentless pursue is money, which is odd because I need that to live.

But last week my coach (whom I recommend to everyone interested in growing as a leader) gave me some perfectly placed advice. She said that I can make money AND make connections and give back. It’s not an “or” — it’s an “and”. And I just loved that.

We don’t have to leave our normal day to day to gain perspective. But we do need to pursue it.

If you’re reading this, send someone a random text or place an out-of-the-blue phone call. Make someone’s day because it’s good for everyone’s soul.

joanne hmb by asa

Photo courtesy of my friend Asa, who is always good for my soul.

 

with special thanks to those that recently brought me perspective on my journey — and are just good for my soul — Karen, Jen, Rebecca, Sarah, Kas, Asa, FF and always my family.  

One Year Ago

22 Friday May 2015

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One year ago … there I was, boarding Caltrain on a seemingly uneventful Thursday afternoon … a serendipitous encounter created all because of my home town.

butterflies

Thank goodness I tell everyone where I am from so that people (specifically, those that are intrigued by that point of reference) recognize the name while attending a trade show of absolute no connection to me whatsoever. 

But … I digress.

One year ago … I was running on one of my favorite Bay Area trails … thankful to be in better shape than the first time I showed my running buddy the route. I was content with the conversation as two strangers caught up on the few months that had passed since meeting over coffee.

And one year ago … I was about to embark on the most exciting journey of my life. I knew it was possible but the real beauty is that I didn’t even have a clue as to what was ahead.

A lot happens in a year …

… friends find lovers.  They move away.  They learn they will become first-time parents. And you find new ways to stay connected across time zones and course adjustments.

… family members go through ups and downs.  Sometimes one step forward and two steps back, but never ever complaining. Always grateful for the one step of progress.

… strangers become someone you can’t wait to speak with every day … whom you look forward to exploring new adventures with … where you uncover fun that you realize has been missing in you life … and oddly enough, who can break your heart when you didn’t realize it was strong enough to be invited to the party!!

… and work can turn into your passion.  It can consume your life. Bring life to your life!  And at the same time, take away hours and days without you realizing anything has happened.

do what you love

But today is the real reason to reflect on One Year Ago … because today is when I remember the 365 days that have just passed and all the moments that have made me strong.  Oh … it hasn’t been the “best year of my life” … but it’s a far, far cry from being the worst one.  I am reminded that “life”, with all of its challenges and struggles, really does help us prepare for the untold story, and it gives us the courage to reach higher and look ahead (and of course, always tell people where you are from).

I will always be a work in progress … but because of those amazing … and crazy … and sometimes overwhelming … and “I’m about to break” moments … I am better prepared today, for tomorrow, because of one year ago.

love today

 

#HighLevel girl

What I Wouldn’t Do …

27 Friday Feb 2015

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Have you ever said … “what I wouldn’t do for … or to have … or to experience …” ?

Yeah, well, thankfully, we all have.

And I say “thankfully” because while I don’t know about you, for me … it makes me feel human. Because we all have flaws, as well as “features”, and it’s only natural to sometimes want more.

There is no doubt that we all take simple things for granted … And we’ve accomplished so much that we now live a “really busy” life to enjoy the simple yet amazing pleasures around us… Yet, we all realize (at some point) that “what we wouldn’t do for” is often not what matters at all.

Because when all is said and done — at the beginning and the end of the day —sometimes just taking a moment to remember the gifts that are in our lives (our “very” busy lives no doubt); regardless how we make it through the day … with whatever support or encouragement or challenges, when you place your head on the pillow and fall asleep, with love in your heart and faith in your soul, maybe it wasn’t such a bad day after all.

Maybe, you wouldn’t do anything different at all … and all that you have, is exactly what you need.

#12yoGirlsAreAmazing

Radical Generosity

09 Monday Feb 2015

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I was so, so, so fortunate to be in the presence of some really amazing women a couple weeks back while visiting Toronto. Vicki hosted this group at her home (that would rival any 4 star restaurant in San Francisco!) for an evening of connection amongst amazing women entrepreneurs, vc’s, and other superb women in tech … plus little ole me. Thank you Vicki ~ I am in awe and with HUGE appreciation!

During this evening Vicki describes what she prescribes to — Radical Generosity … and she encouraged us all to consider following in her footsteps. Now, true to many women, and many Canadians, she practically apologized for saying out loud that she was practicing the art of radical generosity … which she shouldn’t … but I get it. Humility is a feature and it’s one we can’t shed (nor often should).

But the message came across without any feeling of ego or princess-likeness … It was simply her, from the heart, with what she believed in. And I was simply blown away because I loved being in the presence of that kind of giving and that kind of collaboration.

Even though I am both a woman, and a Canadian, and hopefully often display way more acts of kindness and humility than not, it still inspired me to really consider this statement and see what else I could be doing to be an owner of radical generosity.

For many reasons this resonated with me … history aside and the way my parents raised me .. which has everything to do with who I am … I believe in it because I.don’t.see.it.in.this.world.enough!! I am out there everyday connecting with new work colleagues, new personal relationships, past relationships on all fronts … and there is a huge gap on this planet (or at least where my latitude and longitude reside) … and it makes me, well, want to write a blog post!

Giving costs you nothing. It’s a smile sometimes. It’s a name of someone who can help with a problem. It’s a guide to a new trail run. It’s the courtesy of being honest. It’s the little note that says “you’re fucking awesome”. It’s the 3pm Sunday afternoon birthday happy hour. It’s the special invitation to new years eve. It’s the thoughtful text message after receiving an “I’m sorry” card. It’s the 40 miles you’ll drive to say hello … give a hug … see a smile. Hell, it’s the 3,000 miles you’ll do for that. It’s the text message that says “hey bud, you’re amazing – have a great day”. It’s remembering who your friends were before illness and before life’s inevitable challenges and sending an invitation to join in for the party just the same. It’s no judgement!  It’s just really simple and it really, truly, costs you nothing for what you get in return.

I’m not sure why life gets so complicated. But I know that if we live within the world that we are meant to live within .. the world is not complicated … it makes perfect sense. So maybe we should really focus on radical generosity, but when it isn’t reciprocated, then we can’t take any offense and instead we move on. Maybe we taught the person something. Maybe not. That is never the point. The point is to give away that which we have, and to do it with a smile and without expectations in return.

Radical generosity. It’s my new motto. It will make the tagline on my next business card. Those that have seen mine know what I’m talking about. But it’s what I believe in and will happily deliver.

And for the person that felt that my world is too complicated because my generosity was in the middle, instead of driving to their world entirely, … then I’m sorry, but you haven’t learned the lesson.

And as a tribute to you, Vicki, for the inspiration of this post … here is a little quote someone shared with me awhile back. You’ll get the meaning as it is your motto … Cheers to you for paving the way! #SheCEO!!

ceo

The Art of {not} Letting Go

25 Sunday Jan 2015

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Sometimes I write about things not because I have the answers, but because I seek them.

I consider myself a fairly smart person … I seem to make my way in life okay but I won’t ever win Monday’s trivia night (unless it’s about Canada, country music or the 1984 Oilers, and even then I will get a few things wrong) … But when it comes to some of life’s most basic decisions … I sometimes am such a dork and I fail miserably. I can very easily tell you what is in front of me, and why it/he will not work for me, but yet I’ll go against every grain of intelligence on the subject and go in the other direction. It’s a mildly entertaining thing on one hand, and frustrating as hell on the other hand.

I ask myself everyday .. is it time to let go? Time to move on? Am I ready to move in another direction entirely? Am I capable? Or am I still here with the thoughts and the hopes because I haven’t learned the lesson? Is there some other reason why I’m not moving forward .. moving on.  And why is it so hard to figure out {again, I go back to the fact that I’m probably smarter than the average bear but that doesn’t seem to help me much}.

I try all kinds of tricks … I write in journals … someone says “write him a letter and then burn it” … ha, yeah well that didn’t work out so well! Funny story actually but that’s for another blog.  Then someone else advises to focus on your work – “you’re always saying that work is overwhelming so focus there”. Nope … I have mountains of work to do and I do focus on it, but funny how thoughts of him come into every moment regardless how busy I am. And then there is the “just forget about him and move on”.  I mean, I get it … I probably give similar advice in a variety of circumstances but the actual doing part .. well, that is what is impossible at times.

So I’ve decided that I’m not going to let go. I’m going to just be with the feelings … and let them envelope my entire body.  Whether that gives me comfort or brings me pain, I’ll appreciate that at least I’m experiencing an expression of love. Not everyone gets to experience heartache and for those of us that do, maybe it should be embraced. I stole the famous line before “we are here to be swallowed up” … so why should I fight it.

I trust the universe will tell me when I’m ready to move on. And with that I mean that I trust myself to figure it out … maybe it will be tomorrow .. maybe another month from now … maybe longer.  But I receive comfort knowing that one day, I’ll experience love and friendship and laughter and understanding from someone who won’t break my heart and instead want to hold my hand.

#TakeYourTime … for a love like that – full of excitement and challenge, because even though I feel a great opportunity has eluded me, I do believe that it will come again, and it’s worth waiting for.

snoopy

Whatever is Good for the Soul. Do That.

10 Wednesday Sep 2014

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This blog post is dedicated to a friend who asked me for advice on goal setting and living with intentions. We recently met up for coffee after a long while without much contact. You know how true friendships go – the authentic ones never go away, even when you live in different countries and sometimes struggle to find yourself. So we picked up almost exactly where we left off – minus a husband or two and a decade of change.

a strong friendship photo

This friend has always been an inspiration to me. She’s charismatic. VERY outgoing. Has an amazing laugh – so amazing! Lights up a room when she walks in. A really down to earth mom. And a damn cool chic. I’ve always been in awe of her. And we’ve always been on the same wave length when it comes to living our best life. But … we’ve both been human so sometimes we find it tough to know which is the right path to take when faced with walking away.

Given that we’re a lot older than we were way back then, I believe it’s even more critical to listen to our intuition (yes, we all have one) and remind ourselves what we want. Not what someone else wants. Not what “should” be best. Not what will save someone else pain, or bring someone else joy. Nope. At this juncture – we need to think deeply about how we show up in life and who gets to join us for the journey.

Life is not a dress rehearsal. 

It’s not easy to set goals for ourselves when others around us (those who love us and whom we might even love back) want something different from what we know to be true. We question our own desires. We fail to recognize our own strengths. We worry we might be wrong – – – and they might be right. But in all honesty, that’s impossible.

what brings you joyIf we wake up every day and listen to what our body, mind and soul tells us, then we’ll be on the right path (for us, mind you … not for anyone else, but isn’t that the point?). But we have to listen. And we have to be strong. And we have to take the time needed to really feel what brings us joy – – – and what feels like too great of a compromise. Rushing to get on with the day only forces us to listen to outside reasoning, instead of the inside voice of contentment. Overthinking is incredibly dangerous. Life is not that complicated. We complicate it by overthinking what we already know but are too scared to listen to. Staying in something for the sake of someone else’s happiness only leads to sadness.

whatever is good for the soul photo

Setting goals can be intricate and detailed and take up lots of time to write, describe and consider how you will accomplish them. But … they can also be simple. You can literally just wake up and listen to you own voice. And if you listen to that voice for a moment, or a day, and then a week and a month .. it gets easier. Much easier.

Because when it comes time for coffee, and you’re faced with everything the other person wants you to be, you best be sure that you are the expert and know without a shadow of a doubt what will bring you joy. Thinking anyone else knows better than you – well, that just leads to a decade later and a rehearsal that you wished you missed.

—-

Wishing you nothing but the strength that I know you have at coffee tomorrow. Your words were so consistent and your voice so strong the other day. Listen to your own voice and make the decision right for you.

Whatever directtion you take though, know this … I will always be there as your friend and mirror. Months, decades, countries and changes in our paths will make no difference on how I hold you as a friend and how much I will support you in whatever you need.

may your choices reflect hope photo

The Footsteps of Superwoman

09 Saturday Aug 2014

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When I came up with the title of this blog it was because at the time, I was playing the role of step-mom to a beautiful 10 year old girl, and it was the first time in my life that I got to experience being a parent. I quickly discovered a huge appreciation for every parent on the planet and especially those that were doing it alone. I was amazed how important it became for me to drop my work and ensure this girl learned her multiplication, completed her homework, adapted to the nuances of living here, and at the same time, met some new friends and started to experience all the beauty that surrounded us. While it wasn’t easy, because I’m pretty good at being a workaholic, there wasn’t ever any contest — without asking, the girl and her needs always won over (and happily so).

I kept the name of the blog even though by the time I starting writing, my circumstances had changed and (sadly for some reasons, and happily for others) I was faced with simply taking care of me again. With a little time I have learned that there is also something heroic about waking up and trying to figure out what I want. Did you know that it’s actually easier to wake up when you know the routine so perfectly, when you don’t have time to think? Simply wake the girl, prepare the lunch, make sure the girl gets up, do the first email check-in, ensure the homework’s packed, remind the girl we’re late, drive to school, be the friendly parent and say hello to the other busy moms and dads, hurry home, begin the day. With the absence of that purpose, it’s been WAY harder each morning — because now the purpose is me — and it has been a very long while since anyone took care of that girl.

“They say” the leading cause of divorce these days is marriage. Although I don’t know why, I do believe the statistic. 🙂 Something just seems to change when marriage is involved. Kids can play a big role, but even without children, many men and women loose themselves and struggle desperately to find their way back.

And then once we do separate and think, oh thank God I’m free from “that!”, we struggle to know who we are and what we want — and we spend oodles amounts of time and energy pushing away anything that looks remotely close to what we had in our past.

Right now I want to have it all. I want to be all of my many personalities and be all the ways that my heart tells me to be when I’m quiet enough to listen to it. I don’t want a box – certainly not the one that I’ve had before … but I do want some of the pieces that were in the box. Is it possible?  Of course it is … but it takes courage and relentless forward motion. Let’s hope I have both.

Because today I saw that little girl that inspired me to name this blog (amongst many other things that I’m sure will be the subject of future writings), and for those few hours, I was reminded what a real superwoman looks like. And that piece exists within me — that I know for sure, and it brings me joy when I think about it and her.  And I don’t want it to go away.

Tomorrow I get to be runner girl and wake up at 5:30 am to share a beautiful and challenging trail with some women I’m lucky to call my friends. I’ve desperately missed that, and them, and I always want to have this as my number one choice for a Saturday morning.

And then tomorrow night I’ll be just a girl out on the town with my best friend. I’ll wash the hours of sweat from my face and dirt from my toes and wear high heels or boots (cause it is San Francisco in the summer after all) and no one will know by looking at me the other sides that exist or that I started my day in a pair of trail shoes.

And the best part will be Sunday, when I get to be explorer girl and do something new with someone I am excited to get to know. Even though he’s only ready to see a few sides of me — that’s okay. We are all on our own path and the only thing important is to enjoy the path that we are on in that one moment.

Why can’t we be all of THAT in a marriage?

And if I thought I was on the wrong track, then the text from Alaska out of the blue as I started to write this blog, reminded me that I am not.

“and btw: your inner superwoman is right in front of you — there are a few occasions where she’s following YOUR footsteps”.

Wow. How can I not celebrate all of those pieces that make up the reason why I started this blog in the first place.

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Helping with the school book report … Priceless.