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Tag Archives: family

My Tribe

27 Monday Jun 2016

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Inspiration, Life's Lessons

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commitment, family, friends, friendship, group, love, tribe, wierdos

A few years ago I read an article in a running magazine about the concept of a “Tribe”.  As soon as I read the words, they resonated … and I smiled knowing that I understood.

Tribe

Like anything in life, we can take a concept and create whatever we want from it. For me .. the concept of a Tribe has always been an evolution.  A decade ago I was introduced to the mindset of a personal “Board of Directors” …which I applied for many years until I read about the concept of a Tribe, which I liked much better than Board of Directors —- because it implied people are there beside you versus there above you.

So what … who … is a Tribe? 

Sometimes … your Tribe is your group of childhood friends that remember you as the geeky, not-so-polished, perhaps a little awkward kid … who wanted to hang out with you because he/she was just as geeky, with as much room for improvement as you!

Sometimes … your Tribe is a group of people that share your passion – for the things you love and support  … be it a sports team, a political movement or a personal commitment to a cause that extends beyond your individual capacity to make a difference.

Sometimes .. your Tribe is your morning run group … the men and women that are there at “O’dark hundred hours”, who keep you company as you wake up and face your greatest fears … or celebrate your smallest of successes.

Sometimes … your Tribe is simply your friend(s) that have your back. Period. They are there for you no matter what —- and they call, and text, and they show up like no one else ever could. Now those are good people.

Sometimes …  your Tribe can be a surprise — A person that you just met, that you share an amazing connection with and have endless amounts of things in common … Or it could be a new idea that takes shape and leads you into directions you didn’t know existed.   It could simply be something that thing makes you go …  huh?! … I like that … I want to be a part of that … I want to shape that … Perhaps I want to lead it.  Or maybe following is perfect too – but I want to make sure I’m not missing it!!

I believe your TRIBE is exactly what — and who — and how you want it to be … you might have to go looking for it … or it might fall into your lap. Either way works …. beautifully.

We can do a lot on our own, but with a Tribe, we are unstoppable.

Thanks to my Tribe. The concept is a growing evolution but you are all a constant rock of stability in my life. >> You all know who you are. 

Who is your TRIBE?

behind every successful women Tribe

 

 

{We Meet} Family

17 Monday Aug 2015

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Uncategorized

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auncle, aunt, busy schedules, cousin, family, father, grandparents, happiness, love, memories, mother, reunion, sister, tradition, weekends

Family.

It describes our history … where we are from … why we are how we are … what “features” we have.

It defines us today … those whom we’ve chosen to live with … grow with … start our own family with.

And it brings us pause when we think about the future … who will be with us … for how long … and how our own world will look as the years ahead turn into our reality.

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And no matter how old we are … we all have stories to tell about our families. Some good stories. Some sad ones. Others that make us laugh out loud. And some that we really want to forget.  Family is sort of a universal topic because we all have one or two … and if you’re lucky, you’ll have family under various definitions of the word.

But there is no denying it … family is family, period. And sometimes, it is up to us to make those relationships what we want them to be.

Twice this month I got to spend some time with my family and my extended family: Aunts. Uncles. Cousins. Second cousins. Old. Young. … Sometimes the conversation was easy.  Other times you had to work at it. Sometimes the topic was deep and introspective. Other times it was surface level, like you just ran into an acquaintance at the grocery store.  But you know, I think that is OK. Family is like a kaleidoscope, or sometimes, maybe like the Northern Lights. Always changing. Beautiful.

So hard to capture but managed to get this shot of our magical Northern Lights. So glad we all decided to look up last night!

So hard to capture, but I managed to get this shot of our magical Northern Lights. So glad we all decided to look up last night!

So for just a moment, I’m going to talk about my family. Because I’m so proud of them. So glad I have them … So happy I get to call them my own.

I think what I like most is that my family is interested in my life. I don’t live close so I miss the chance to meet up for the little things and experience some of the big things … Hold little babies in your own arms … watch them grow into toddlers … and then into little human beings … Watch romances begin … turn into wedding bliss … and sometimes, be there when life doesn’t turn out as planned.

I remember having family reunions when I was little.  My parents were younger than I am today when they started.  But some of them stopped … or there was a longer break between them … or you were left in charge of organizing the next one and you didn’t get around to it (one of my life’s regrets).  But if I hadn’t had those early year experiences, I’m not sure I would be so keen to go to one nowadays.

But two weeks ago I went to a reunion on my mom’s side, which is held every two years. Sadly, I haven’t attended one previously. I’m not even sure when they started! But I know I haven’t attended one since moving away 16 years ago. Usually I’m the person that says I will drive for endless hours or across endless miles to see someone that is important to me .. but I missed these in the past. And after joining this one, you can bet I’ll have the future ones on my calendar for the years ahead.

And this past weekend we held our third annual “We Meet” family reunion on my dad’s side. It started just three years ago after we lost my aunt suddenly and both of my grandparents within one year.  All of grandparents lived LONG and healthy lives and I can only hope I have their genes! But they were here on this earth and with us for a long, long time and they taught us all so much that when we gather together, we can’t help but tell story after story about them. And you realize just how much their wisdom and their traditions have shaped all of our lives and how, now, the responsibility is on us.

So now WE are the ones that must take the torch and carry on with the family reunion tradition. To organize, and attend, and bring together the families. So cousins can get to know each other … gain invaluable memories that will no doubt, include a simpler time, … so we all remember how important it is to take a moment to listen, laugh and learn about what is happening in the lives of our important family members. …. The good news. The sad news. The laugh out loud stories from the past. The smiles when we first see each other. And the precious hugs we give to each family member until the next time {we meet}.

These weekends are not always convenient.  They are inevitably with conflicting calendars and invitations elsewhere … especially in today’s crazy busy world. They are also time consuming. A five-hour drive each way for most families  … and over eight hours for another family.  But, no one complains because we are all there because we choose to be. And that in-and-of-itself, is amazing. Because when you think about all of the pressures we have — you realize that everyone showed up was because it was their choice. And for that – I know how lucky I am and how special my family is.

IMG_0318

Little cousin M. Sitting around the campfire that just the evening before, had everyone laughing and sharing stories. With a tear in her precious little eye and I know a hole in her heart, she didn’t want the weekend to end. And neither did I. Until next time I see you little miss M. 

So until next year.

Will the same people come? Will more? I can’t wait to see the kids one year older! I can’t wait to catch up with some family members that I really just got to know this summer. I can’t wait to spend five hours in the car with my mom, dad and sister … really.  I can’t wait to hear about what everyone has been up to. To laugh together. To cry if needed. And to give everyone a big smile and say – hey there family, I’ve missed you .. how are you?  And to embrace each and every one of them as we say our good-byes with the best hug I can give, until {we meet} again.

“The House That Built Me”

10 Thursday Apr 2014

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Family, Life's Lessons, Love

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disappointment, family, farm, friends, growing up, inspiration, life lessons, love, Lyrics, Miranda Lambert, priceless, ski-dooing, snowmobiling, The House That Built Me

The other day I had the opportunity to introduce “The House That Built Me” by Miranda Lambert to two special people. This song has to be one of my top three songs ever. Actually, if I think about it, it is more like my favorite song of all time because of the deep connection I feel with it.

It’s not often that I introduce it to someone and they “get it”. Sadly, when I’ve been so excited about sharing this small insight into who I am with friends, loved ones or strangers, they have mostly displayed little enthusiasm or connection. And it can be SO discouraging – when you care about someone and you really want them to “get you” — and they respond with something like “it’s nice … so what’s for dinner?”.

So what’s the song about that I love it and make desperate attempts to have those in my life understand it (and me)?

Well, it has a very literal and figurative meaning for me. I like to think it was written from a real life experience and the writers were compelled to put pen to paper because of the difficult moment they were going through. If they didn’t – well they at least described my life pretty well. Since we all interpret words and experiences differently, I guess that’s the reason why it’s hard to find someone who understands it in the same way as I do. But the other night was surprisingly different. Finally, I shared it with someone who understood the piece inside of me that I really wanted them to “get”.

I grew up in a very small town that was extremely remote and hundreds of miles away from what most people my age had surrounding them. I was raised on a farm in Northern Alberta and “The House That Built Me” was literally the house that my father built and we lived in growing up on the farm. But the story isn’t as much about the physical house — it is more so about all that surrounded the house that played an instrumental role in who I have become as a person. Turns out this small remote farming town, with a Latitude of 58°N and a Longitude of 117°W, and a population of around 1,200 at the time, and winter temperatures often in the -30 to -40° Celsius, well it turns out … it had to lot to offer.

Looking back – I’m extremely grateful for my childhood – and especially the experience that the farm provided me. (I’d be remiss if I gave all of the credit to the farm and not to my wonderful parents — who always provided a loving, safe and thankfully, a very humble upbringing). But I have some great and unique memories from my childhood — watching calves being born and life created in an instant, Easter Egg hunts amongst the bales at the cow yard, going ski-dooing until our face was so frozen that you had to give in and go into the house to warm up, learning how to drive by the age of 11 and being able to take dinner to my dad {by.myself.I’ll.add} while he was harvesting late into the evening, and oh all of the fun times keeping myself entertained with a simple mud puddle. These life experiences, turned values, were (as I now know), priceless.

BUT it was not without some challenges. And the day I moved away … I was so happy and I vowed silently to my 15 year old self that I would never – ever – EVER – return to the town. You remember how traumatic life can be as a teenager, right?

Over the years I have, of course, matured and in addition to moving far away, I have been fortunate to have opportunities that have expanded my mind and way of thinking. And it has made me more appreciative for all of the challenges and disappointments along the way. I look back and it’s certainly not the past that I would have wanted to write about … but alas, it is the one that is being written.

So ever since I heard “The House that Built Me”, it’s been the comfort that I’ve needed to get past the brokenness … the failed marriages … the feelings of being alone (even when self-imposed) … the separation that comes from leaving family and having friends walk away …. and the severe disappointment knowing that all that I might have wanted in my life, might never come to fruition.

The lyrics read “You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can … I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am” has been so true for me. In general we let too many people, things and situations re-define us and shift our way of thinking that we forget about how strong we are … and how sometimes, what or where we are in life, is a result of doing our best and being determined to not give up – regardless how disruptive the path has been. And sometimes, we need to embrace the wonderful things that are right in front of us, without questioning or worrying so much about timing or right versus wrong, or what others might say.

I went back to this town a few years back. I did it with my Dad and got to hear story after story about life on the farm and his recollection of life back then … and that experience in-and-of-itself, was beyond amazing. Much had, of course, changed in 25 years but some things really didn’t. And there were friends and families there that I used to go to school with – ride the bus with – build ice sculptures with – and spend my time with from the age of zero until 15. And that was pretty cool.

We don’t get to write our story before it happens. Sometimes life is quite frankly unfair. People disappoint us and delight us at the most inopportune times. And we survive. We forgive. Or we move on and forget. Hopefully — when you remember back to the house that built you — and you look to the house that you live in today — you see some resemblance and can find appreciation and strength in the person you’ve become and the small mark you’ll leave on this world.

Oh, and for those two special people that heard the song and appreciated the lyrics … thank you – for seeing beyond the words, and into the house.

The house where I grew up. Albeit it looks a little different now.

The house where I grew up. August 2012. 

The House That Built Me Lyrics

I know they say, you can’t go home again
. Well, I just had to come back one last time
. And Ma’am, I know, you don’t know me from Adam
. But these hand prints on the front steps are mine.

Up those stairs, in that little back bedroom, is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar. 
And I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
, my favorite dog is buried in the yard.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
, this brokenness inside me might start healing. 
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself.

If I could just come in, I swear I’ll leave
. Won’t take nothing but a memory. 
From the house that built me.

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years. 
From “Better Homes and Garden” magazine. 
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
 and nail by nail and board by board
, Daddy gave life to mama’s dream.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing
. Out here it’s like I’m someone else 
I thought that maybe I could find myself.

If I could just come in, I swear I’ll leave
. Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me.

You leave home, you move on 
and you do the best you can. 
I got lost in this whole world aAnd forgot who I am

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
, this brokenness inside me might start healing
. Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself. If I could walk around, I swear I’ll leave.

Holding nothing but a memory
, from the house that built me.

Watch The House That Built Me Video

 

 

Favorite Traditions

18 Tuesday Mar 2014

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Family, Inspiration

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Tags

family, holidays, love, st. patrick's day, traditions

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

I admit, it’s not exactly the kind of day that encourages a long list of traditions (other than maybe wearing green and drinking beer – which are of course, great traditions), but it reminded me how fun having traditions are and I wanted to inspire my readers to share their favorites or start their own.

I myself do not have a lot of traditions but it’s been on my New Year’s Resolution list for some time. Sort of nerdy I know but “Start New Traditions” is, IMO, a very good resolution. Why? Because the tradition doesn’t have to be big – it can be ambiguous so I can make it whatever I want – and it lives on year after year. So it’s like the gift that keeps on giving!

A dear friend of mine has LOADS of traditions … events with grade school friends, college friends, law school buddies, people he met when he lived abroad, or clubs he’s associated with now. It seems like every time we have lunch I learn about yet another tradition or hear great stories about the ones that keep going (reminds me of the famous Ever Ready Bunny – his traditions keep going … and going).

ebunny

 

Side note – cute image huh?! 🙂 Amazing what you can find on Google!

So be it a new tradition to go along with a holiday, a birthday, a milestone, or the ones I love the most … for no reason at all … I encourage you to think about adding a new tradition to your life. It could be “Friday Night Pizza and Laundry” … just make sure it makes you smile inside and feel good about keeping the tradition going.

As for the new tradition I said I would start back on February 14th …. I’m reminding you to give yourself (and others) some love. Because none of us know how long we will be here, and when we see news stories such as the Malaysia Flight 370 … we should all take a moment to kiss our parents, hug our children and find quiet moments to love ourselves.

My thoughts go out to the families of those on Flight 370. May we learn the truth very soon about what happened to the 239 passengers and crew on the flight.

MALAYSIA-CHINA-VIETNAM-MALAYSIAAIRLINES-TRANSPORT-ACCIDENT

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