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Being Superwoman

Being Superwoman

Tag Archives: inspiration

The Footsteps of Superwoman

09 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Family, Life's Lessons, Love

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blog, desperation, divorce, exploring, friends, happiness, inspiration, joy, marriage, mom, parent, running, step-daughter, step-mom, step-parent, struggles, superwoman, writing

When I came up with the title of this blog it was because at the time, I was playing the role of step-mom to a beautiful 10 year old girl, and it was the first time in my life that I got to experience being a parent. I quickly discovered a huge appreciation for every parent on the planet and especially those that were doing it alone. I was amazed how important it became for me to drop my work and ensure this girl learned her multiplication, completed her homework, adapted to the nuances of living here, and at the same time, met some new friends and started to experience all the beauty that surrounded us. While it wasn’t easy, because I’m pretty good at being a workaholic, there wasn’t ever any contest — without asking, the girl and her needs always won over (and happily so).

I kept the name of the blog even though by the time I starting writing, my circumstances had changed and (sadly for some reasons, and happily for others) I was faced with simply taking care of me again. With a little time I have learned that there is also something heroic about waking up and trying to figure out what I want. Did you know that it’s actually easier to wake up when you know the routine so perfectly, when you don’t have time to think? Simply wake the girl, prepare the lunch, make sure the girl gets up, do the first email check-in, ensure the homework’s packed, remind the girl we’re late, drive to school, be the friendly parent and say hello to the other busy moms and dads, hurry home, begin the day. With the absence of that purpose, it’s been WAY harder each morning — because now the purpose is me — and it has been a very long while since anyone took care of that girl.

“They say” the leading cause of divorce these days is marriage. Although I don’t know why, I do believe the statistic. 🙂 Something just seems to change when marriage is involved. Kids can play a big role, but even without children, many men and women loose themselves and struggle desperately to find their way back.

And then once we do separate and think, oh thank God I’m free from “that!”, we struggle to know who we are and what we want — and we spend oodles amounts of time and energy pushing away anything that looks remotely close to what we had in our past.

Right now I want to have it all. I want to be all of my many personalities and be all the ways that my heart tells me to be when I’m quiet enough to listen to it. I don’t want a box – certainly not the one that I’ve had before … but I do want some of the pieces that were in the box. Is it possible?  Of course it is … but it takes courage and relentless forward motion. Let’s hope I have both.

Because today I saw that little girl that inspired me to name this blog (amongst many other things that I’m sure will be the subject of future writings), and for those few hours, I was reminded what a real superwoman looks like. And that piece exists within me — that I know for sure, and it brings me joy when I think about it and her.  And I don’t want it to go away.

Tomorrow I get to be runner girl and wake up at 5:30 am to share a beautiful and challenging trail with some women I’m lucky to call my friends. I’ve desperately missed that, and them, and I always want to have this as my number one choice for a Saturday morning.

And then tomorrow night I’ll be just a girl out on the town with my best friend. I’ll wash the hours of sweat from my face and dirt from my toes and wear high heels or boots (cause it is San Francisco in the summer after all) and no one will know by looking at me the other sides that exist or that I started my day in a pair of trail shoes.

And the best part will be Sunday, when I get to be explorer girl and do something new with someone I am excited to get to know. Even though he’s only ready to see a few sides of me — that’s okay. We are all on our own path and the only thing important is to enjoy the path that we are on in that one moment.

Why can’t we be all of THAT in a marriage?

And if I thought I was on the wrong track, then the text from Alaska out of the blue as I started to write this blog, reminded me that I am not.

“and btw: your inner superwoman is right in front of you — there are a few occasions where she’s following YOUR footsteps”.

Wow. How can I not celebrate all of those pieces that make up the reason why I started this blog in the first place.

photo

Helping with the school book report … Priceless.

Caution: Work in Progress

30 Friday May 2014

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Life's Lessons

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Tags

happiness, inspiration, life lessons, new job, work in progress

So the past few weeks have been filled with immense joy — and at the same time a bit of a heavy heart. Two opposite sides of the spectrum, for two different aspects of my life. Maybe this is what “they” say when they talk about “balance”. Actually I hope it isn’t.

But the two opposite feelings remind me that we are all a Work in Progress. And that life is a series of steps that we have to take in order to reach our destination. Some people have to take more steps than others. Sometimes the steps are steeper and harder for some to climb. And sometimes … one just gets lucky and an elevator appears! Like the employees of WhatsApp – for them, a magic carpet appeared and they now get to miss a few steps that others of us have to take. But good for them! I believe that the world is a better place when more people find happiness within their lives!

work-in-progress

Regardless of the journey, we are struggling through the Work in Progress construction zone. Be it professionally, personally, in a job, a marriage, a friendship, or with the inner self. We should not feel guilty for the path we’ve taken – or the way in which we’ve climbed the mountain. Some of us are more graceful than others. Some are sort of on the clumsy side. And the rate in which we progress is really anybody’s guess. What makes a lesson stick so deeply that we modify the path? What happens when we choose a different attitude along the way? What works for one, isn’t the same recipe for others. So we’re left with good ole ‘trial and error’ … and perhaps a few more “I’m sorry” or “I am learning” mentions along the way.

But when things are not going perfectly in one aspect of our lives, we’ve got to remember that we have others to balance it out. Whether we rely on a friend, family member, job or a passion, we would do ourselves a favor if we ditch the guilt and just get on with the progress part.

Because at some point you’ll reach a certain destination and you’ll look back at the journey and realize that each and every step contributed in some way. You can smile at the moments that made you proud, and simply shrug your shoulders for the lackluster performances.

So enjoy each step. The easy ones – the hard ones – the steep ones – and the less than graceful ones. And never give up on that which you most desire.

bashos-trail

 

“The House That Built Me”

10 Thursday Apr 2014

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Family, Life's Lessons, Love

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disappointment, family, farm, friends, growing up, inspiration, life lessons, love, Lyrics, Miranda Lambert, priceless, ski-dooing, snowmobiling, The House That Built Me

The other day I had the opportunity to introduce “The House That Built Me” by Miranda Lambert to two special people. This song has to be one of my top three songs ever. Actually, if I think about it, it is more like my favorite song of all time because of the deep connection I feel with it.

It’s not often that I introduce it to someone and they “get it”. Sadly, when I’ve been so excited about sharing this small insight into who I am with friends, loved ones or strangers, they have mostly displayed little enthusiasm or connection. And it can be SO discouraging – when you care about someone and you really want them to “get you” — and they respond with something like “it’s nice … so what’s for dinner?”.

So what’s the song about that I love it and make desperate attempts to have those in my life understand it (and me)?

Well, it has a very literal and figurative meaning for me. I like to think it was written from a real life experience and the writers were compelled to put pen to paper because of the difficult moment they were going through. If they didn’t – well they at least described my life pretty well. Since we all interpret words and experiences differently, I guess that’s the reason why it’s hard to find someone who understands it in the same way as I do. But the other night was surprisingly different. Finally, I shared it with someone who understood the piece inside of me that I really wanted them to “get”.

I grew up in a very small town that was extremely remote and hundreds of miles away from what most people my age had surrounding them. I was raised on a farm in Northern Alberta and “The House That Built Me” was literally the house that my father built and we lived in growing up on the farm. But the story isn’t as much about the physical house — it is more so about all that surrounded the house that played an instrumental role in who I have become as a person. Turns out this small remote farming town, with a Latitude of 58°N and a Longitude of 117°W, and a population of around 1,200 at the time, and winter temperatures often in the -30 to -40° Celsius, well it turns out … it had to lot to offer.

Looking back – I’m extremely grateful for my childhood – and especially the experience that the farm provided me. (I’d be remiss if I gave all of the credit to the farm and not to my wonderful parents — who always provided a loving, safe and thankfully, a very humble upbringing). But I have some great and unique memories from my childhood — watching calves being born and life created in an instant, Easter Egg hunts amongst the bales at the cow yard, going ski-dooing until our face was so frozen that you had to give in and go into the house to warm up, learning how to drive by the age of 11 and being able to take dinner to my dad {by.myself.I’ll.add} while he was harvesting late into the evening, and oh all of the fun times keeping myself entertained with a simple mud puddle. These life experiences, turned values, were (as I now know), priceless.

BUT it was not without some challenges. And the day I moved away … I was so happy and I vowed silently to my 15 year old self that I would never – ever – EVER – return to the town. You remember how traumatic life can be as a teenager, right?

Over the years I have, of course, matured and in addition to moving far away, I have been fortunate to have opportunities that have expanded my mind and way of thinking. And it has made me more appreciative for all of the challenges and disappointments along the way. I look back and it’s certainly not the past that I would have wanted to write about … but alas, it is the one that is being written.

So ever since I heard “The House that Built Me”, it’s been the comfort that I’ve needed to get past the brokenness … the failed marriages … the feelings of being alone (even when self-imposed) … the separation that comes from leaving family and having friends walk away …. and the severe disappointment knowing that all that I might have wanted in my life, might never come to fruition.

The lyrics read “You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can … I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am” has been so true for me. In general we let too many people, things and situations re-define us and shift our way of thinking that we forget about how strong we are … and how sometimes, what or where we are in life, is a result of doing our best and being determined to not give up – regardless how disruptive the path has been. And sometimes, we need to embrace the wonderful things that are right in front of us, without questioning or worrying so much about timing or right versus wrong, or what others might say.

I went back to this town a few years back. I did it with my Dad and got to hear story after story about life on the farm and his recollection of life back then … and that experience in-and-of-itself, was beyond amazing. Much had, of course, changed in 25 years but some things really didn’t. And there were friends and families there that I used to go to school with – ride the bus with – build ice sculptures with – and spend my time with from the age of zero until 15. And that was pretty cool.

We don’t get to write our story before it happens. Sometimes life is quite frankly unfair. People disappoint us and delight us at the most inopportune times. And we survive. We forgive. Or we move on and forget. Hopefully — when you remember back to the house that built you — and you look to the house that you live in today — you see some resemblance and can find appreciation and strength in the person you’ve become and the small mark you’ll leave on this world.

Oh, and for those two special people that heard the song and appreciated the lyrics … thank you – for seeing beyond the words, and into the house.

The house where I grew up. Albeit it looks a little different now.

The house where I grew up. August 2012. 

The House That Built Me Lyrics

I know they say, you can’t go home again
. Well, I just had to come back one last time
. And Ma’am, I know, you don’t know me from Adam
. But these hand prints on the front steps are mine.

Up those stairs, in that little back bedroom, is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar. 
And I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
, my favorite dog is buried in the yard.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
, this brokenness inside me might start healing. 
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself.

If I could just come in, I swear I’ll leave
. Won’t take nothing but a memory. 
From the house that built me.

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years. 
From “Better Homes and Garden” magazine. 
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
 and nail by nail and board by board
, Daddy gave life to mama’s dream.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing
. Out here it’s like I’m someone else 
I thought that maybe I could find myself.

If I could just come in, I swear I’ll leave
. Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me.

You leave home, you move on 
and you do the best you can. 
I got lost in this whole world aAnd forgot who I am

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
, this brokenness inside me might start healing
. Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself. If I could walk around, I swear I’ll leave.

Holding nothing but a memory
, from the house that built me.

Watch The House That Built Me Video

 

 

Mediocrity Is Not An Option

05 Wednesday Feb 2014

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Business, Inspiration

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

conference, entrepreneurs, inspiration, mc hammer, mediocrity, method product, rap music, Silicon Valley, startup, startup grind

This week I have the privilege of attending an entrepreneur conference here in the Silicon Valley called Startup Grind. After about 14 hours of speakers, networking and sometimes a sheer overload of inspiration (hard to believe but true), I’m reminded of a phrase I heard (and have tried to live by) many years ago — mediocrity is not an option. And it surely is no destination!

I’m humbled to live in an area where there is such amazing talent, inspiration and knowledge — and I’m thrilled that I get to learn from, and meet, so many people that have a sincere passion to change the world. It might be with a healthcare product — or the arts — or it could be with an idea that they haven’t thought of yet … it actually doesn’t matter because their desire is contagious. And I love that. When I’m in the room with my notebook in hand, and Twitter update formulating in my head, I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Even though I’m not on stage enthralling the audience with my audacious product that scaled to a billion users overnight (yet – ha ha), it still feels like I’m in the exact right place in my life right now.

We should never (ever) settle for anything less than our heart desires, or that which our dreams create. Mediocrity is really not an option – not when we have the world at our fingertips and access to so much inspiration all around us.

If your passion isn’t startup entrepreneurism, that’s Ok — you have another passion and that is what you need to feed. And if you don’t know what your passion is, that is OK as well – you can find it. Do this exercise each day until you find something that moves you — wake up every morning 10 minutes before your alarm typically goes off and grab a pen and a blank piece of paper and complete the following:

“If I could do anything that I wanted to do today, be anything I wanted to be … I would _______”. And don’t put sleep in or take a long bath … while those are noble aspirations, think about what really moves your heart and what you’re naturally attracted to that may or may not be getting attention on a daily basis. Do this every day and I promise you, clarity will come.

For there is a whole life ahead of us — so read carefully when I write (as quote from Rose Tremain)  — “Life is not a dress rehearsal!”

People – let’s get inspired! Let’s not accept mediocrity, or as my new Startup Grind friend, and one day future billionaire Thomas Griffin wrote, “do not accept tasteless mediocrity” which sounds way more savvy and 21st century.

MC Hammer ont he Startup Grind Stage

MC Hammer on the Startup Grind Stage !!

Method Co-Founder Eric Ryan with the best presentation of the day!

Method Co-Founder Eric Ryan with the funniest presentation of the day!

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