Tag Archives: life lessons

Waiting for Me

11 Wednesday Jul 2018

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As I sit here, eyes heavy, tired — with a plan to be in dreamland about 30 minutes ago, I am instead honoring a different commitment to myself, and that is to write about things that move me in that moment.

As an entrepreneur (which in-and-of-itself is not so easy of a definition for me to write), I am constantly figuring out how to build my business. How to ‘scale’. What is the right product or service offering. Which price point makes sense, for my clients but also for me.  How do I market myself (without a marketing team). How I promote my brand (without a media agency). Who do I align myself with when I have limited time and endless amazing opportunities.

It’s exhausting and exhilarating.  Scary and exciting.  Crazy good and full of obvious mistakes.

And all of this happens while, at the same time, I’m trying to just be ‘me’. And that might sound silly to some, but I think to many of my colleagues and friends going through a similar journey but with a different objective, it truly will resonate. Because sometimes the version that we have of ourselves and our capabilities are clouded with fear and doubt, contradiction and denial, impatience and lack of self confidence.

Yet. We truly only have two options:

1.  Give up. Accept the unknown and never get to the end because we fear the worst.

or

2.  Forge on. Up the hill. Across the chasm. Through the potential shame, embarrassment and fear of ridicule should we fail … Should we not meet our expectation. Should we accomplish less than what we set out to achieve.

And if we choose the latter .. then we must accept our flaws.  Embrace our individual ‘features’.  Live in permanent Beta.  Trust that all roads lead us to a better place if we’re determined to get there.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I am tired of waiting for me.  Especially when I am right here, and am the.only.thing standing in my own way.

thomas-tucker-149020-unsplash.jpg

Photo by Thomas Tucker on Unsplash

Author’s personal note:

To my friend whom I adore and have all the patience in the world for — I don’t know what the future holds but I know that you are holding it in your hands.  I can’t wait until you release and see yourself as I see you and as I know the world is waiting to embrace.  

Perspective

01 Sunday Apr 2018

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Once a month I leave my apartment for a weekend to gain perspective. I find myself a cute getaway within 100 or so miles that brings me joy and a new landscape.

hmb march 31 beach.png

The ultimate goal is to escape into a world complete only with reading, writing and relaxing — but to be honest, these first few months have been more about just finding the ground beneath me. Maybe towards the end of 2018 I’ll achieve the intention that I set when I put this into my yearly resolutions. But maybe not. And that will be okay too.

hmb march 31 sign.png

This weekend, I found myself thinking about perspective. How our thoughts unfold the world before us. How sometimes we’re so envious of other people’s lives, only to learn that it’s just as hard as ours — and just as good as ours — just different. And how a simple comment, message or check in with a friend or mentor can reframe everything.

Over the last few weeks the world has reminded me of Albert Einstein’s Theory of Happiness that he wrote in 1922.

“A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness”.

I believe this with every fabric of my being …. Yet I still relentlessly pursue.

I relentlessly pursue the art of giving back. I find so much joy in helping make connections between two people. And the joy only builds when I learn that both received something beneficial from the simple act of an introduction.

I relentlessly pursue feeling connected. My road ahead is shorter every day and I feel an urgent desire to make each day count with people that are good for my soul.

I relentlessly pursue being full. Because being still is really, really hard. And busy makes me happy.

What I don’t relentless pursue is money, which is odd because I need that to live.

But last week my coach (whom I recommend to everyone interested in growing as a leader) gave me some perfectly placed advice. She said that I can make money AND make connections and give back. It’s not an “or” — it’s an “and”. And I just loved that.

We don’t have to leave our normal day to day to gain perspective. But we do need to pursue it.

If you’re reading this, send someone a random text or place an out-of-the-blue phone call. Make someone’s day because it’s good for everyone’s soul.

joanne hmb by asa

Photo courtesy of my friend Asa, who is always good for my soul.

 

with special thanks to those that recently brought me perspective on my journey — and are just good for my soul — Karen, Jen, Rebecca, Sarah, Kas, Asa, FF and always my family.  

Being Here, Now.

23 Saturday Sep 2017

Posted by in Business, Inspiration, Life's Lessons

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I am faced with a huge dilemma on a weekly basis … To work or not to work.  Or more simply put, when and HOW to take time away from work and be OK with where I am [and more importantly where I am not].

I know I’m not alone when say that I feel down because “I’m not there yet”. But I really want to turn that around into a positive instead of a negative.

It sounds ridiculous — who doesn’t know how to NOT work? To relax? How to forget about the 9-5 job that tires us out?  How many people long for the end of the work day or work week?   ….  Well, as much as I sometimes have those feelings, the reality is, I love my job. I love the business I’m building. And sometimes I think I could literally work 24/7. Some people accuse me of working too much but they are simply unaware of all the breaks I take to drink wine, run and spend time with cool friends and family. [one might be shocked but I do find time to relax]

But that said, I do also love taking moments away from work; away from building; away from networking and simply reflecting on where I am right now. Yet — I find it hard to do, and I’m not sure why.

I think it’s an illness of some kind, yet I’m OK with it. So that’s weird, right?

So today I’m forcing myself to not only not work, but to reflect and be perfectly OK with where I am right now — and celebrate the fact that I’m not ‘there yet’.

I’m going to reflect back on all my wins.  The big ones.  The little ones.  The ‘hard lesson’ ones.  And those easy ones too, because nothing is really easy when you’re building a business – it truly is because of hard work and grit that things become ‘easy’.

I’ve spent a lot of hours in meetings. Having coffees. Hearing stories. Absorbing. Listening. And I’ve happily prioritized advising founders and connecting them into a network that has taken me years to build, simply because it fills me up to be helpful … and it is the business I’m building, even if there aren’t economics with every interaction.

Along the way, as I’ve added value to people and companies, I have built a business model that is on the cusp of growing into something big, but more importantly — people love it, and that brings me a great sense of calm knowing that I’m on the right path.

So I need to take this moment and just be.  Be ‘not there yet’ and be OK with it.  Be ‘on my way’ to greatness, but still on the roller coaster journey.  Be on the path to bigger and better yet sometimes feel small and insignificant.  Be okay with ‘not right now’ responses or ‘thanks, but no thanks’ … because every No is one step closer to a Yes.

Because if I was there — and I mean really there — then all I would do was set my sights onto something else. Something higher. Something bigger. Or something with a different meaning or purpose. But the point is that I would still be striving for something other than what I had.  That is human nature. And it’s what makes us achieve great and unimaginable things!  So we need to be OK with that, as we also need to be OK with the great journey that leads us where we’re going.

So if I were a golfer and I went out on a beautiful day with the sun shinning … and I shot an 89 …. I should celebrate that 89 and embrace the talent and technique that it took to get that score, because that is not an easy score to reach.  The avid golfers reading this get it.   Now … if I think that I should be hitting an 82 and I get down because I didn’t score lower, then I’ve missed the opportunity to feel joy because I’m thinking about the 7 shot differential.  But the truth is – I could have hit a 92. Or even 100! Or more!  …. So 89 doesn’t look so bad from that perspective.  And it’s on the path to an 82 … so one should celebrate that.   Just like I’m going to celebrate exactly where I am today, which is ‘not there yet, but on my way!‘.

golf swing

 

And no. I didn’t shoot an 89 today …. nor did I go golfing … LOL …. but a friend did and he reminded me that I need to celebrate where I am today. And he should too. 

But …. when I do go out and shoot an 89 (because anything is possible especially with my buddy Scott beside me) you can bet I’m going to celebrate it like crazy! 

 

The Dirt Road Home

11 Sunday Jun 2017

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I’m at home and winding down with my glass of red wine after a Canadian going away party that gave me a gift I wasn’t expecting.

You always think … “I hope I meet someone fun … or, I hope it’s a good group of peeps” … or maybe I’m the only one that thinks that and if so, then maybe be careful if you invite me to your party in the future for fear of my expectations .. LOL.

But alas, my honest self is here to reveal that those expectations are always on my mind … That I meet someone or I learn something that I can apply in my life and become a better person because of.

So tonight …. I’m happy to say that the evening exceeded my expectations. And sometimes my expectations are high (which don’t judge, isn’t a bad thing) … but sometimes they truly are as grass roots as the farm that I grew up on.

high level 2017

This is today’s view from the road to my “home” where I grew up and where I learnt so many lessons that I’m still applying to my life today.

Why?

Well tonight I met someone who grew up similar to me … on a farm … who made it from nowhere to somewhere … and who now looks at life from the same viewpoint as me.   Yes, one side is capitalism …. no shame there, but also from a perspective of purpose, planet and people.  And, my God, it was refreshing.  Just the whole conversation and perspective blew my mind and inspired my thinking.

And yet I can’t help but find it fascinating that you can meet someone at a party for people that you know (relatively) very little, and you can connect with a random stranger in a profound way, even though you’re from completely (and I mean completely) different subsets of the world.  But (and here’s the good part) with a glass of wine (or two) and LOADS of curiosity … you can uncover that your simplistic upbringing has created a similar mindset and belief system that, unbeknownst to you, is probably a reason why you’re sitting across from each other talking about a subject that would bore the rest of the guests in attendance.

But for me … what I loved, is that I could talk for hours and feel so grateful for the random encounter that somehow, now, seemed perfectly curated.

Because no matter if you’re 33 … or 46 … married with two kids … or twice married and no kids … from East Germany or Northern Alberta … Communist or Capitalist …. it is really amazing how much we can feel and learn and appreciate in a short period of time, and with absolutely no reason whatsoever, feel an amazing bond of energy that lifts your soul and makes you take a pause in life … if only for a moment.

And the icing on the cake is when you can share a story about the long road “home” … that only had two left turns after 5,6, 8 hours of driving …. before you reached a vast farmland that seemed to offer so little, but in the end gave you everything you needed in life …. then I’ll call that a hell of a win for a Saturday night.

Beyond grateful … for where I grew up … and for where I am today.

The Art of Giving too Much

02 Thursday Jun 2016

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It’s been awhile since I added a blog post. It hasn’t been for lack of events or excitement or disappointment … quite the opposite. It’s been because of all of those things that life has kept me busy and experiences have kept me humble.

But now … it’s time to write … about giving.

to do more for the world

I’m a big fan. Like huge!! Those that know me well, know that I can give.  And I give without conditions – it’s what my mom and dad both taught me.  But giving without conditions doesn’t mean that we don’t give and feel disappointment. And giving doesn’t mean that we’re perfect or that we meet the expectations of others.  But it does mean we have the capacity to give and that we use that capacity for good.

Today though, instead of just gripping about how much I gave and how poorly I feel I was treated in return … I’m going to give some suggestions for how you (and me!!) can do the former without receiving the latter.

  1. Let’s lower our expectations people … seriously – if we just take a moment to really analyze the situation and ask ourselves what is really possible (what can the other person / entity give, why would they be so inclined, what’s in it for them) … then we will understand the more realistic feeling we’ll receive, if for example, we severely miscalculate how much we should have given.
  2. Benefit / cost analysis … well, they do it in business school, why can’t it apply to real life??   Had I done this six months ago I might have seen that the potential costs would far outweigh the benefits and maybe (and only maybe, let’s me honest) .. smarter thoughts would have prevailed. And if not – then at least I would have given myself a fighting chance to duck out before diving in.
  3. Everyone else is not you … we give because we have empathy … excitement … trust … vision. But everyone else doesn’t necessarily view it from the same lens.  So you have to get on the same page — (which has the added benefit of highlighting the disparity – but that is good because it’s best to make an informed mistake than be blindsided and lose all faith).
  4. Listen to your friends … You rely on them for a reason!!  You call and text when life is good AND when it isn’t — precisely because you trust them. So trust them to see more clearly than you and then do exactly what they say — because in that moment – they are seriously 1000x smarter than you.

you will never regret being kind

After all is said and done … I have no regrets. I can stand tall and be proud of what I gave. If people choose to not show respect or have appreciation … if they are so caught up in what is most important to them – and they lack empathy and the “doing the right thing” gene … then there isn’t anything I can do.

Now, karma might have another say in the story – and I’ll be okay with that. 🙂

 

suddenly you know

 

 

Caution: Work in Progress

30 Friday May 2014

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So the past few weeks have been filled with immense joy — and at the same time a bit of a heavy heart. Two opposite sides of the spectrum, for two different aspects of my life. Maybe this is what “they” say when they talk about “balance”. Actually I hope it isn’t.

But the two opposite feelings remind me that we are all a Work in Progress. And that life is a series of steps that we have to take in order to reach our destination. Some people have to take more steps than others. Sometimes the steps are steeper and harder for some to climb. And sometimes … one just gets lucky and an elevator appears! Like the employees of WhatsApp – for them, a magic carpet appeared and they now get to miss a few steps that others of us have to take. But good for them! I believe that the world is a better place when more people find happiness within their lives!

work-in-progress

Regardless of the journey, we are struggling through the Work in Progress construction zone. Be it professionally, personally, in a job, a marriage, a friendship, or with the inner self. We should not feel guilty for the path we’ve taken – or the way in which we’ve climbed the mountain. Some of us are more graceful than others. Some are sort of on the clumsy side. And the rate in which we progress is really anybody’s guess. What makes a lesson stick so deeply that we modify the path? What happens when we choose a different attitude along the way? What works for one, isn’t the same recipe for others. So we’re left with good ole ‘trial and error’ … and perhaps a few more “I’m sorry” or “I am learning” mentions along the way.

But when things are not going perfectly in one aspect of our lives, we’ve got to remember that we have others to balance it out. Whether we rely on a friend, family member, job or a passion, we would do ourselves a favor if we ditch the guilt and just get on with the progress part.

Because at some point you’ll reach a certain destination and you’ll look back at the journey and realize that each and every step contributed in some way. You can smile at the moments that made you proud, and simply shrug your shoulders for the lackluster performances.

So enjoy each step. The easy ones – the hard ones – the steep ones – and the less than graceful ones. And never give up on that which you most desire.

bashos-trail

 

“The House That Built Me”

10 Thursday Apr 2014

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The other day I had the opportunity to introduce “The House That Built Me” by Miranda Lambert to two special people. This song has to be one of my top three songs ever. Actually, if I think about it, it is more like my favorite song of all time because of the deep connection I feel with it.

It’s not often that I introduce it to someone and they “get it”. Sadly, when I’ve been so excited about sharing this small insight into who I am with friends, loved ones or strangers, they have mostly displayed little enthusiasm or connection. And it can be SO discouraging – when you care about someone and you really want them to “get you” — and they respond with something like “it’s nice … so what’s for dinner?”.

So what’s the song about that I love it and make desperate attempts to have those in my life understand it (and me)?

Well, it has a very literal and figurative meaning for me. I like to think it was written from a real life experience and the writers were compelled to put pen to paper because of the difficult moment they were going through. If they didn’t – well they at least described my life pretty well. Since we all interpret words and experiences differently, I guess that’s the reason why it’s hard to find someone who understands it in the same way as I do. But the other night was surprisingly different. Finally, I shared it with someone who understood the piece inside of me that I really wanted them to “get”.

I grew up in a very small town that was extremely remote and hundreds of miles away from what most people my age had surrounding them. I was raised on a farm in Northern Alberta and “The House That Built Me” was literally the house that my father built and we lived in growing up on the farm. But the story isn’t as much about the physical house — it is more so about all that surrounded the house that played an instrumental role in who I have become as a person. Turns out this small remote farming town, with a Latitude of 58°N and a Longitude of 117°W, and a population of around 1,200 at the time, and winter temperatures often in the -30 to -40° Celsius, well it turns out … it had to lot to offer.

Looking back – I’m extremely grateful for my childhood – and especially the experience that the farm provided me. (I’d be remiss if I gave all of the credit to the farm and not to my wonderful parents — who always provided a loving, safe and thankfully, a very humble upbringing). But I have some great and unique memories from my childhood — watching calves being born and life created in an instant, Easter Egg hunts amongst the bales at the cow yard, going ski-dooing until our face was so frozen that you had to give in and go into the house to warm up, learning how to drive by the age of 11 and being able to take dinner to my dad {by.myself.I’ll.add} while he was harvesting late into the evening, and oh all of the fun times keeping myself entertained with a simple mud puddle. These life experiences, turned values, were (as I now know), priceless.

BUT it was not without some challenges. And the day I moved away … I was so happy and I vowed silently to my 15 year old self that I would never – ever – EVER – return to the town. You remember how traumatic life can be as a teenager, right?

Over the years I have, of course, matured and in addition to moving far away, I have been fortunate to have opportunities that have expanded my mind and way of thinking. And it has made me more appreciative for all of the challenges and disappointments along the way. I look back and it’s certainly not the past that I would have wanted to write about … but alas, it is the one that is being written.

So ever since I heard “The House that Built Me”, it’s been the comfort that I’ve needed to get past the brokenness … the failed marriages … the feelings of being alone (even when self-imposed) … the separation that comes from leaving family and having friends walk away …. and the severe disappointment knowing that all that I might have wanted in my life, might never come to fruition.

The lyrics read “You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can … I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am” has been so true for me. In general we let too many people, things and situations re-define us and shift our way of thinking that we forget about how strong we are … and how sometimes, what or where we are in life, is a result of doing our best and being determined to not give up – regardless how disruptive the path has been. And sometimes, we need to embrace the wonderful things that are right in front of us, without questioning or worrying so much about timing or right versus wrong, or what others might say.

I went back to this town a few years back. I did it with my Dad and got to hear story after story about life on the farm and his recollection of life back then … and that experience in-and-of-itself, was beyond amazing. Much had, of course, changed in 25 years but some things really didn’t. And there were friends and families there that I used to go to school with – ride the bus with – build ice sculptures with – and spend my time with from the age of zero until 15. And that was pretty cool.

We don’t get to write our story before it happens. Sometimes life is quite frankly unfair. People disappoint us and delight us at the most inopportune times. And we survive. We forgive. Or we move on and forget. Hopefully — when you remember back to the house that built you — and you look to the house that you live in today — you see some resemblance and can find appreciation and strength in the person you’ve become and the small mark you’ll leave on this world.

Oh, and for those two special people that heard the song and appreciated the lyrics … thank you – for seeing beyond the words, and into the house.

The house where I grew up. Albeit it looks a little different now.

The house where I grew up. August 2012. 

The House That Built Me Lyrics

I know they say, you can’t go home again
. Well, I just had to come back one last time
. And Ma’am, I know, you don’t know me from Adam
. But these hand prints on the front steps are mine.

Up those stairs, in that little back bedroom, is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar. 
And I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
, my favorite dog is buried in the yard.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
, this brokenness inside me might start healing. 
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself.

If I could just come in, I swear I’ll leave
. Won’t take nothing but a memory. 
From the house that built me.

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years. 
From “Better Homes and Garden” magazine. 
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
 and nail by nail and board by board
, Daddy gave life to mama’s dream.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing
. Out here it’s like I’m someone else 
I thought that maybe I could find myself.

If I could just come in, I swear I’ll leave
. Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me.

You leave home, you move on 
and you do the best you can. 
I got lost in this whole world aAnd forgot who I am

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
, this brokenness inside me might start healing
. Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself. If I could walk around, I swear I’ll leave.

Holding nothing but a memory
, from the house that built me.

Watch The House That Built Me Video

 

 

Life (unedited)

19 Wednesday Mar 2014

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Over the years I’ve made a few (okay, probably truth be told, a lot) of mistakes and I’ve always wondered – do other people make as many mistakes? … as disappointing of mistakes? … do the mistakes keep them up at night and feeling bad? … and who really says “it’s okay – live and learn and move on” and mean it?

Well I think the honest answer is that everyone makes mistakes, right? But the way we process and manage through those mistakes is very different for everyone. And just like with other things in life, some of us are better at accepting mistakes than others. Wasn’t it Oprah that finally felt truly beautiful at 50 and comfortable in her own skin? I’m paraphrasing here but I remember watching her around that time and thinking, My God, do I have to wait that long!!

Although I’m still a few years away from that milestone, it will come quickly I’m sure. So I figure best to learn from those before me that life, while wonderful, is no where near the perfect picture that somehow got etched in our minds. Therefore I’m going to make a pledge to let my life, for the remainder that I have (and God willing it’s awhile), shall be enjoyed to the fullest … and left unedited … Which means I may make mistakes from time to time. Actually, I WILL make mistakes … and time to time might be a little underrepresented but we’ll go with “from time to time” for the sake of argument. Who knows … what I view as a colossal failure may very well be like a rainbow on a rainy day for others, so why fuss with all the worrying?

Of course, I’ll still be mindful of life’s challenges and do my best to make my parents proud, but I think we spend too much time on the past and not enough on the present. And it’s fine time that I put these words into action … SO … I hereby pledge to live all of the moments of my life ahead … fully unedited … for the length, and the width of it.

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