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Being Superwoman

Being Superwoman

Tag Archives: selfless

Giving Without Expectations

17 Tuesday Jun 2014

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Business, Inspiration, Life's Lessons

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

expectations, expecting, generosity, generous, giving, pay it forward, selfless, selflessness

Growing up my Dad always taught me and my sister that you have to give without expecting anything in return. And over the years we got to see many examples of my parents giving and being kind without the expectation of something back. Sometimes it was really hard to witness their giving because people didn’t return the kindness, but regardless my Dad always made it clear what the rules were around giving.

why-workplace-giving-and-volunteering-drives-employee-engagement

So where does generosity come from? Are we naturally born with it and it’s just in our DNA? Is it a learned behavior? Perhaps something that we do out of necessity after conducting ourselves in an opposite fashion?

I believe that it can, and is, all of the above. And to be honest, I’m not sure it matters how we learn to be kind, but more important is the fact that we DO learn to be kind (and we put it into practice).

churchill-giving-quote1

There are a lot of nice people out there … the world is full of nice people. But it is a little less often that I meet someone who is truly generous and who is giving in a significant way … Never mind those that employ the “give without expectations” rule. But lately I’ve begun to work with a group of people where this sense of enormous giving is leading them in business and in life, and it’s so exciting to be around. And these are people that are not just doing it every once in awhile … but who are seriously walking around every day providing generosity to others (without the slightest expectation of something in return).

When I was talking with someone today about it – someone who was demonstrating this enormous giving, I asked if it was a Pay it Forward model and he said “Oh no, it’s bigger than that”. Bigger than Pay it Forward I thought?!? Really? 

He said it’s about selflessness and generosity in a way that is beyond just the Pay it Forward model. What he said is that we have to “give without expecting anything in return … and if you can help, then you should”.

That’s a pretty big statement don’t you think – If you can help, then you should. How many people do you know like that? How many give for the sake of giving and who care about helping the larger community, with only the hope that others will be selfless and do the same? Probably a lot less than the people who you come across that portray the opposite behaviors.

I have met a lot of people who wish for a lot of things and feel they have received the short end of the stick in life … and a lot of non-believers that the Universe really can provide that which we need and deserve. And while I of course am only one person with a theory (and a Dad who taught me an important lesson at an early age) I say why not try it?! Why not try to give selflessly … give generously … give without expecting anything in return … and if you find yourself in a situation where you can help – give because you should. What’s the worst thing that can happen?

I would venture to say that more good will come out of it than bad.

P.S. Thanks to the person who inspired this blog post today – he reminded me of the lesson that my Dad instilled in me many years ago – and a lesson I’m proud to say I have implemented throughout my life and will continue to do so without any signs of slowing down.

giving - good for the heart

 

Finding Superman

16 Friday May 2014

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Inspiration, Life's Lessons, Love

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charming, fairytales, faith, faith hill, happiness, love, nashville, real housewives, scandal, selfless, superman, superwoman, the bachelor

As I am searching for my inner Superwoman I have to admit – I am also on the lookout for what every superhero desires … an equally talented Superman. And just like my inner Superwoman is still evolving, I believe the Superman that I am looking for is becoming clearer with every experience that I have (be it good or bad).

For years I ignored the voice inside that guides us – the one that makes you question your decisions and challenges your direction. The one that tells you “it’s time to move on” when you clearly know that you’re heading down a wrong path but continue anyway because it’s easy — or it’s expected — or because you can’t seem to see any other possible path and that scares you stiff, so you just stay still. So I understand why I’m struggling to know exactly what my Superman looks like when I’m still (re)defining me.

no substitute for someone that gets you

There is a huge (I’ll be honest) part of me that just wants to read the last chapter in the book. Did I find him?? Was it amazing?? How full was the life I led and what legacy did I leave?? But I remind myself that it really isn’t about the end – it’s ALL about the journey. So I try to calm myself down and be present in the moment. Regardless if that moment brings me happiness or I’m struggling to just simply breathe, it has to be about the process. The feelings along the way. The heartache. The dynamic ups. The “feels like bottom” lows. The long path around instead of the straight path through. Right?

I remember that it’s not about knowing the ending … it’s about creating the middle. The part where we are living today. The sometimes exciting, but probably all too often ‘not so much’ mundane, life we live and the story we weave. Because let’s face it – life isn’t like The Bachelor or the Real Housewives or even Scandal or Nashville (which is sometimes really too bad because I would so love a day in the life of Olivia Pope or Juliette Barnes!). We’re just regular Joe’s (and Janes) trying to make our way in this world.

The smart person that lives inside my head (because I really swear there is one), tells me that “this” … what I have right now … it’s the good stuff. Faith Hill released a song many years ago (has it been decades? – ugh, I’m old) titled “The Secret of Life”. It talked about enjoying the little things … a good cup of coffee … getting up early … going to bed late … Monday Night Football (or for us Canadians we all agree it should be Hockey Night in Canada) … a beautiful woman … nothin’ at all. In all seriousness, she’s onto something there!

These are the things that we should really be focusing on … not the last chapter of the book. And if we’re lucky, somewhere along the way, we’ll find that one person – the Superman to your Superwoman – that feels the same way. That connects with you at a level that you thought was impossible. Who gets your jokes. Gets you. Brings out the best in you. Supports you at your worst. Makes you rethink everything because life is about evolution. It’s about progress. Moving forward. Not back. And we would live a long and wide life if we had friends and lovers that helped us expand our mind and forever change the discussions we’re having and the progress we’re making.

That’s what I want. That is all I want. Maybe it’s too big. Maybe it’s too ambiguous. Maybe it’s just perfect. I say, who cares. The single.best.thing.we.can.do.for.our.happiness is to be selfish … say what we want … ask for what we need … redefine daily what makes us happy. And then, be totally, 100%, irrefutably OK if it all changes tomorrow.

Although I know it’s impossible to ask for this, I wish every one of us finds our Superman. Finds our hero. If we’re lucky, we’ll find him again and again because we’ve been honest with ourselves, and the Universe, and we’ve been open to finding him in the most unassuming of places.

So – to my Superman – my Charming – if you’re out there. I’m waiting.

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