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Tag Archives: strength

Standing Beside Integrity

01 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Inspiration, Life's Lessons

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belief, integrity, strength, trust, truth

integrity or ethics concept

I am sure that I am not alone when I say that I’ve experienced my share of heartbreak, both personally and professionally.

While we might call it by another name in business, the impact and result is very similar – hurt, anger, maybe even shame, or the feeling of being treated unfairly and not having a voice to stand up for you. Pretty hard stuff to get through when it happens.

What’s even more difficult is hearing “well, maybe it was the best thing to happen to you”.  Ugh. really? Who wants to hear that?  Or, is it a belief that we should embrace and believe to move on unscathed?

I’ve recently heard from friends, colleagues and people that I’ve met for the first time, of their experiences of being severely let down; “creative differences”; and heartbreak that left them standing alone to figure out what’s next. My heart goes out to them, but more importantly I want to pass along my strength. I have all the time in the world to listen to the pain — or shock — or anger, and be there as they get through it the only way they know how. And I hope they will apply the Pay it Forward model when their time comes to listen. After all, chances are we’re going to experience something similar in our lifetime, and probably more than once.

One of the best things that we can all do during this time is live with integrity. I believe we need to do this regardless if we end up swimming in the same swimming pool, share DNA, or have to encounter the situation on a regular basis. We also have to remember to not let it take all the goodness out of us.

We can’t stop trusting. We can’t stop ourselves from falling in love. We shouldn’t ever stop dreaming.

We just have to do it with a little more wisdom and maybe a little more cautious optimism.

Years back I let someone else’s lack of integrity disrupt my world. Interrupt my passion. Stop my path to success.  And it really sucked. For a long time.  It took years of unhappiness, relentless pursuit of something that I couldn’t quite define (and therefore attract), and I built a running commentary in my brain that “I wasn’t good enough or I didn’t deserve to find and live my passion again”.

And then I did find it! And I lived it!

And then it happened again.

Wait, what? Again?  Hum … Like I said before .. we’ll probably all suffer pain way more than once in our lifetime.

The difference is that I learnt the only way to get back on my feet was through the pain. Through the shame. Through the disappointment. Through the running commentary in my head that I wasn’t good enough — until I arrived at the point that I believed I was good enough. Because we ALL are good enough … and MORE.

Everyone close to me – and even those not – told me that giving up was not an option. Moving forward was the only path. And I had to go through all of the messiness in order to find a clear path. And I had to do it with my integrity in tact. I had to trust that it was the only way for me to move past it and continue on my own path to greatness.

The other day I heard ‘there are three sides to every story’. And I guess that is the truth. But deep down, we know what’s right and what isn’t. If it’s not obvious on the onset, then it becomes clear and sometimes it’s that moment that can really define who you are as a human being.

And just the other day a friend told me that she received an apology from a girl that bullied when she was a kid. And you know … 30 years later, it helps. It heals.

So whatever side you’re on when it comes to hurt, disappointment, failure … Live with integrity. While the ‘best thing to happen to you’ is sometimes a long game … there is truth to it.

integrity-002

in·teg·ri·ty 

inˈteɡrədē/

noun

the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

 

Whatever is Good for the Soul. Do That.

10 Wednesday Sep 2014

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Inspiration, Life's Lessons, Love

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choices, coffee, complicated, contentment, friendship, happiness, heart, husband, intentions, journey, living your best life, mind, mirror, path, simple, soul, strength, voice

This blog post is dedicated to a friend who asked me for advice on goal setting and living with intentions. We recently met up for coffee after a long while without much contact. You know how true friendships go – the authentic ones never go away, even when you live in different countries and sometimes struggle to find yourself. So we picked up almost exactly where we left off – minus a husband or two and a decade of change.

a strong friendship photo

This friend has always been an inspiration to me. She’s charismatic. VERY outgoing. Has an amazing laugh – so amazing! Lights up a room when she walks in. A really down to earth mom. And a damn cool chic. I’ve always been in awe of her. And we’ve always been on the same wave length when it comes to living our best life. But … we’ve both been human so sometimes we find it tough to know which is the right path to take when faced with walking away.

Given that we’re a lot older than we were way back then, I believe it’s even more critical to listen to our intuition (yes, we all have one) and remind ourselves what we want. Not what someone else wants. Not what “should” be best. Not what will save someone else pain, or bring someone else joy. Nope. At this juncture – we need to think deeply about how we show up in life and who gets to join us for the journey.

Life is not a dress rehearsal. 

It’s not easy to set goals for ourselves when others around us (those who love us and whom we might even love back) want something different from what we know to be true. We question our own desires. We fail to recognize our own strengths. We worry we might be wrong – – – and they might be right. But in all honesty, that’s impossible.

what brings you joyIf we wake up every day and listen to what our body, mind and soul tells us, then we’ll be on the right path (for us, mind you … not for anyone else, but isn’t that the point?). But we have to listen. And we have to be strong. And we have to take the time needed to really feel what brings us joy – – – and what feels like too great of a compromise. Rushing to get on with the day only forces us to listen to outside reasoning, instead of the inside voice of contentment. Overthinking is incredibly dangerous. Life is not that complicated. We complicate it by overthinking what we already know but are too scared to listen to. Staying in something for the sake of someone else’s happiness only leads to sadness.

whatever is good for the soul photo

Setting goals can be intricate and detailed and take up lots of time to write, describe and consider how you will accomplish them. But … they can also be simple. You can literally just wake up and listen to you own voice. And if you listen to that voice for a moment, or a day, and then a week and a month .. it gets easier. Much easier.

Because when it comes time for coffee, and you’re faced with everything the other person wants you to be, you best be sure that you are the expert and know without a shadow of a doubt what will bring you joy. Thinking anyone else knows better than you – well, that just leads to a decade later and a rehearsal that you wished you missed.

—-

Wishing you nothing but the strength that I know you have at coffee tomorrow. Your words were so consistent and your voice so strong the other day. Listen to your own voice and make the decision right for you.

Whatever directtion you take though, know this … I will always be there as your friend and mirror. Months, decades, countries and changes in our paths will make no difference on how I hold you as a friend and how much I will support you in whatever you need.

may your choices reflect hope photo

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