The Art of {not} Letting Go

25 Sunday Jan 2015

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Inspiration, Life's Lessons, Love

Tags

hope, journal, letters, letting go, love, time, universe

Sometimes I write about things not because I have the answers, but because I seek them.

I consider myself a fairly smart person … I seem to make my way in life okay but I won’t ever win Monday’s trivia night (unless it’s about Canada, country music or the 1984 Oilers, and even then I will get a few things wrong) … But when it comes to some of life’s most basic decisions … I sometimes am such a dork and I fail miserably. I can very easily tell you what is in front of me, and why it/he will not work for me, but yet I’ll go against every grain of intelligence on the subject and go in the other direction. It’s a mildly entertaining thing on one hand, and frustrating as hell on the other hand.

I ask myself everyday .. is it time to let go? Time to move on? Am I ready to move in another direction entirely? Am I capable? Or am I still here with the thoughts and the hopes because I haven’t learned the lesson? Is there some other reason why I’m not moving forward .. moving on. And why is it so hard to figure out {again, I go back to the fact that I’m probably smarter than the average bear but that doesn’t seem to help me much}.

I try all kinds of tricks … I write in journals … someone says “write him a letter and then burn it” … ha, yeah well that didn’t work out so well! Funny story actually but that’s for another blog. Then someone else advises to focus on your work – “you’re always saying that work is overwhelming so focus there”. Nope … I have mountains of work to do and I do focus on it, but funny how thoughts of him come into every moment regardless how busy I am. And then there is the “just forget about him and move on”. I mean, I get it … I probably give similar advice in a variety of circumstances but the actual doing part .. well, that is what is impossible at times.

So I’ve decided that I’m not going to let go. I’m going to just be with the feelings … and let them envelope my entire body. Whether that gives me comfort or brings me pain, I’ll appreciate that at least I’m experiencing an expression of love. Not everyone gets to experience heartache and for those of us that do, maybe it should be embraced. I stole the famous line before “we are here to be swallowed up” … so why should I fight it.

I trust the universe will tell me when I’m ready to move on. And with that I mean that I trust myself to figure it out … maybe it will be tomorrow .. maybe another month from now … maybe longer. But I receive comfort knowing that one day, I’ll experience love and friendship and laughter and understanding from someone who won’t break my heart and instead want to hold my hand.

#TakeYourTime … for a love like that – full of excitement and challenge, because even though I feel a great opportunity has eluded me, I do believe that it will come again, and it’s worth waiting for.

Xmas Cards … Really?

13 Saturday Dec 2014

Posted by Joanne Fedeyko in Inspiration, Life's Lessons

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

busy, cards, Christmas, guilt, happiness, interest, motivation, panic, passion, time

Every year … around this time … it begins to happen. Christmas cards begin to arrive in the mailbox. People display them on their mantle. They fret over the fact that they haven’t gotten to theirs yet. They feel guilt that they received one from someone and they didn’t get one off to them yet .. or did they? More panic.

Well every year I generally tend to be one of those people – lost in the mix of guilt and shame but masking over it with the “I’m too busy” message. People usually believe me as it’s become a common excuse that the world tends to accept, because let’s face it – we are the busiest society we’ve ever seen.

But I am going to challenge that statement tonight and even refute what I myself have been saying for all these years because it’s absolutely not about the busy .. it’s about the interest.

I named this blog Being Superwoman for exactly the kind of person that sends Christmas cards. The person that is SO busy, who functions at such a high level … yet still amazes those around them with the thoughtful Christmas card and personal note. How do they have the time? Did someone else write if for them? This can’t be true because then I’ll feel more guilt because I’m definitely not as busy as he/she and yet I’m staring at a really nice thoughtful card from them, personalized for me. Huh?!?

So today I figured it out. It’s something I’ve always known, especially because it’s a trait (flaw) I carry .. and that is, when something is important to you .. or you’re interested in it … passionate about it … excited for it … or maybe just really happy in general — things like Christmas cards become exactly what you can do! They don’t seem overwhelming. They don’t seem like a challenge. They are something that you are very excited to do because you know it will bring you joy.

So don’t worry if you’re not excited about doing Christmas cards this year. It’s okay. Really, they are quite frankly overrated in so many ways. … But maybe, just maybe, it’s time for you look at what is motivating you and where you’d like to spend your time. If it’s not Christmas cards .. then where are you excited to spend the little bits of time that you get to call your own?